I am going to tell everyone reading this post something really difficult to understand.
That being said, please have a seat, get comfortable and prepare yourself because you may be caught off guard by the following…
Weight does not define beauty.
I know – you are FREAKING OUT at this breaking news. You’re about to close out this page because you are thinking “oh this must be spam”.
Nope. Not spam. I promise. This is real stuff here and I think it is time we put it out on the table and start to discuss what beauty is. And not in a cheesy “everyone is beautiful on the inside”-type way but in a “beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you ARE the beholder” – type way.
Let me clarify:
I like to “joke” that I am confident to a fault. My friend actually changed the “About Me” sections of my dating profiles recently because she said I sounded stuck up; while she was right to change these and I did not portray it well in the description of myself, I am not stuck up in the least, I am just confident.
But I haven’t always been this way. Growing up as a chunky kid on Long Island, I wasn’t always confident in my own skin. I’m pretty sure a memo was sent to all families in the town I grew up in advising parents that all kids attending the schools had to be thin (unfortunately, my household did not receive this memo or I spilled chocolate milk all over it resulting in it being illegible…either/or). Anyways, I was a chunky kid, a chunky pre-teen, a chunky teenager and many people within my life made it their sole priority to ensure that I was reminded of my weight – every.single.day.
What made it worse was, what I like to call, “If Only-Compliments”. What is an “If Only-Compliment” you ask? An example of this is “You have such a pretty face, if only you lost weight”.
Why in the world is this okay to say to people? It makes you feel like your weight defines you. I know that for me, it made me feel as if I was stuck in my body, I couldn’t hide it and it didn’t matter what other qualities I had, externally or internally, my weight negated all of those. It’s absurd that anyone could make me, or anyone else for that matter, feel so uncomfortable; also, it’s extremely unacceptable.
That being said, I have a website where I refer to myself as curvy and it focuses on a lot of body positive topics – so, you may be wondering what has changed over time?
First off, it’s not an overnight transition. I started feeling differently about my body when I was in my mid-late 20’s and I credit it to the people I surrounded myself with, as well as, my own hard work in refusing to let my weight define me. The people I surrounded myself with refused to entertain my concerns that I was ugly due to my weight and I started to really work, internally, on the fact that my body is, just that, MY body, no one else’s, and I am the only one who should be able to decide how I feel about it.
Skinny does not equal pretty, overweight does not equal ugly and I think it is time that we realize that these words do not have anything to do with one another. YOU are who defines your self-worth and if anyone uses an “If Only-Compliment” with you, it is important that you, first and foremost, decide if this person is a necessary individual to be around and, secondly, give them a really confused look and excuse yourself.
So how do you do this? How do you get past other peoples’ displaced insecurities and rude comments that sometimes make you question your level of attractiveness?
Here’s my suggestion:
Get naked (not if you’re in public, I suggest being in your home)
Look at yourself in the mirror
Tell yourself all of the positive things you like about yourself
Because, guess what? It’s your body, you only get one, and spending your time letting others define what they believe beauty is along with whether you fit that mold or not is a complete and utter waste of your bodys’ time.
We all have our areas of beauty that so many other people can see, IF ONLY we saw it too.