STOP BEING MEAN…to yourself.

Words of Motivation


Let’s all agree to do one thing – Let’s not be mean to ourselves.

I love New Year’s Resolutions. I love the idea of starting fresh, setting goals and having the opportunity to feel like you are starting a new chapter.

I am not a fan of negative comments folks make towards New Year’s Resolutions, such as, that people will give up after a month, that nothing is going to change, etc. Even if that is the truth for the majority, let people live! Everyone has a starting point in every area of their lives, this very well could be the beginning of a life changing journey for someone.

So, if you are one of the people who do make resolutions, don’t pay any mind to the negativity of those who may not support the “new year, new me” mindset. Also, try to block out the biggest critic that you will come across when trying to better yourself: YOU.

Someone commented on a Curvy Millennial link on Facebook with an article entitled About That Diet You’re Planning to Start on Jan. 1- don’t do it, written by Colby Itkowitz, the lead anchor of the Inspired Life blog. It was an interesting read, not because of its’ argument to avoid making resolutions this New Year, but some of the information it included as to why making weight loss goals can lead to stress and conflict for many. One of the quotes from the article states that “The world is too hard as it is, without letting your pants have an opinion on how you are doing”.

I disagree. New Years Day or the third Monday in June – it doesn’t matter what the date is, your pants ARE going to have an opinion on how you are doing and inevitably, that opinion will be yours. Fact of the matter is, weight isn’t everything, but if your clothes are fitting a bit more snuggly than you would prefer, or you’re not feeling as if the number on the scale is the one that is healthiest for you, you have the right and the privilege to work towards changing these things. Is it hard? Yes. Is the world hard? Absolutely. But part of being an individual who is strong, well-rounded and able to persevere, is becoming someone who is able to conquer obstacles regardless of how long it takes and how difficult it may be.

Part of the struggle of being successful in achieving any goal is keeping a positive internal dialogue even throughout the difficult days. Those who are working to lose weight know that there are good and bad days; there are days where you feel as if this is the easiest thing you could ever do and then there are days when you feel as if you want to eat everything in sight and no amount of food can satisfy you. Through that though, it is important to remind ourselves that we are human, flawed and don’t have to be perfect in order to be successful.

Within Itkowitzs’ piece, she mentions a book entitled “When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies: Freeing Yourself from Food and Weight Obsession”, written by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter; the book points out how women use negative self-talk in regards to weight loss and food consumption. This is no surprise, women see it often in themselves and in their female relatives and friends; they make statements that are self-deprecating and seem to believe that if they just lost insert magic number here pounds, they will feel better.

Yes. I think you will feel physically better if you are taking care of your body and eating right. Actually, I know you will. I also think there is a pretty good chance that your confidence level will increase and your clothes will fit better. However, if you are looking for weight loss to eliminate all of your self esteem and body issues while being the key to your new found happiness – you’re going to be disappointed.

We have all been there, I know I definitely have many times: you indulge a bit too much, the scale doesn’t read the number you want it to or those pair of pants still don’t fit and you verbally beat yourself up over it. Why? Your negative self-talk isn’t helping you. It’s only making you less likely to get back on track or buckle down because now you’re feeling even worse about yourself. Try to speak to yourself as you would a close friend who is dealing with these challenges (unless of course you’re a crappy friend, then ignore this advice). Remind yourself of what you want, why you deserve it and what you can do and/or continue to do to get to where you need to be.

Be disciplined but don’t be mean to yourself: there is a difference.

Disciplined is following a healthy weight loss plan, avoiding eating outside of the set portions you created for yourself, going to the gym when your alarm goes off in the morning instead of pressing snooze. Being mean to yourself is referring to yourself as lazy, a failure, etc. when you happen to not stick to the exact plan you set out for yourself. I’ve said it 1000 times and I will say it again: whatever method you are following to get into shape and/or lose weight, should be tailored to what works for you and be followed with the understanding that you will have challenges and slip ups only because you are human.

With that being said, good luck to all those who have made weight loss and health related goals for the New Year or just in general – I know you can do it even if you still aren’t sure you can!




Previous Story
Next Story

You Might Also Like


  • Reply
    Lauren Davis
    January 8, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    Years back, I met with a friend and she was well into a downward spiral of negative self-talk when I interrupted her (which is not surprising because I tend to interrupt people often; it’s something I am working on). After interrupting her, I repeated some of the phrases she had just used, e.g. “I am such a failure. If I could just be better at X, Y and Z, etc..” Then she interrupted me and told me to be nicer to myself.

    And then I waited for it to click in her head.

    Admittedly, I negative self-talk too often (another thing I am working on). When I catch myself, I try to rephrase my responses with kindness as though I am talking to a friend, because, shouldn’t we at least show ourselves the same kindness that we give to others? Shouldn’t we be our own friend, first?

    It helps. When I slip up and make an unhealthy food choice, first, I am sure to enjoy the crap out of it with as little guilt as possible (guilt taints the taste) and second, I respond with as much grace, acceptance and kindness as I hope a friend would impart on me.

    • Reply
      January 14, 2016 at 1:38 am

      Thanks for the comment Lauren! So true! I always make the statement “Hey! Be nice to my friend, (insert name here)” whenever a friend is being mean to themselves. It’s so tough though. I am glad that you are working hard to treat yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve!

  • Reply
    September 8, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    I love how positive you are about making decisions that will affect the rest of your life! You’re so right, you have to get rid of the negativity and just work towards your goals, knowing that there will be ups and downs along the way. Self-talk is kinda funny, I just had a baby and my belly fat is a bit more than I’m used to right now, and I seriously think people are thinking about my belly and how flabby it is! Haha can’t believe it, I don’t go around thinking about other people’s belly fat, so why the heck would I think people are looking at mine? I just need to get back to working out and taking care of my body, and it’ll be fine… STOP thinking about what others think!

    • Reply
      October 5, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Congrats on your new baby! I honestly can relate so much! I always have to stop myself and say: um, you’re not SO important that everyone is judging your body constantly!

  • Reply
    September 9, 2017 at 9:43 am

    This is definitely a problem with women and probably some men too. I know I negative self talk way to often and I’m trying to incorporate more positive affirmations in order to counteract the negativity.

    Also people being focused more on the scale then how they feel is definitely a problem. I try not to let the scale ruin my mood but I allow it to often. This is something I try to work on too.

    • Reply
      October 5, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      You are definitely not alone! When I am weighing myself often, it will seriously ruin my day if I did not lose any weight. We really are our own worst enemies and biggest critics. Hopefully we can work on the positive self talk together 🙂

  • Reply
    September 9, 2017 at 10:20 am

    I love this. It’s something I struggle with but try to practice being more gentle and appreciating myself right where I am. I think about my son and how I see him and how much I love him flaws and all. I think to myself if it’s that easy to love him so much why can’t I do the same for myself.

    • Reply
      October 5, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      That is such a fantastic way to think about it! We are often so much nicer to everyone except ourselves.

    Let The Curvy Community Know What You Think!