“Don’t worry, it will happen when you least expect it”.
“Love comes when you aren’t looking”
“There’s nothing wrong with being single”
Some of my favorite quotes from the people in my life who meant well, but also didn’t really understand what it is like to be in your 30’s and single.
The truth is – there’s nothing wrong with it. It took me a really long time to get to the point where I felt that way, but I did. I felt that it was actually very freeing and there was a point where I knew that I could be happy forever as a single woman because I had become so accustomed to living alone, being independent, just Addy and I – taking on the world.
Companionship, affection, attention – single or not, I still wanted all of those things, so I dated onward. Not upward, for the most part, just onward. And I met a lot of interesting characters:
Guy who used foul language towards me when I wasn’t interested in going on a second date.
Guy who ghosted me.
Guy who ghosted me and then reappeared. (well, there were a bunch of these)
Guy who wasn’t looking for anything serious. (…bunch of those too)
And, as I have talked about before, it was obvious why I was dating all of these guys – because I love dating guys that show no promise of a future. It’s been one of my favorite accidental past times for years now. So it was interesting when I went on a date with this guy who was completely opposite of the guys I had been dating:
Polite, sweet, shy, forthcoming, texted back…
What a strange combination of characteristics – and I only say strange because, like, they were good characteristics, not fake or awful, like the ones I was used to experiencing.
3 dates later, I stumbled into this weird thing that I had forgotten existed…
I was in a relationship…
For the first time in 6 years.
Over the last 8 months, I have been thinking of when would be the perfect time to introduce this special guy to all of you and I think Valentines Day is the right day to do it. So, without further adieu, I bring you:
I have met this great guy who I not only adore but Addy does also.
Now, I am not writing this post just to introduce Dwayne (even though that is a big deal) or to brag about my newfound love but I want to share some information that led me to my current relationship. Some of it is information I have shared with you before, some of it is fairly new, all of it is advice from me – so you know it’s fantastic!
This Valentine’s Day, I would like to share with you –
5 Ways I Found a Guy Who Will Text Me Back…While Online Dating.
IT’S A NUMBERS GAME
My best friend always told me this but I never took it to heart until later in the dating game. Dating was always exhausting to me. I found it truly daunting. I am genuine with a side of naïve, so when it comes to meeting people, I not only see the best in them but expect it. That being said, I would get my hopes up time and time again, just to be let down. Once I decided I would have fun with dating and go out there just to see what stories I could come back with and people I could meet – I started to chill out and enjoy dating rather than see it as this dreaded task I had to take on. Which made it easier to acknowledge that the more people I met, the better chance I had of meeting someone that actually meant something to me.
DON’T FALL INTO THE ONLINE DATING TRAP
Raise your hand if you are guilty of judging someone immediately on the smallest thing. Their profile picture is them with a cat, you don’t like cats or something else super minor.
Okay, I will just raise my hand then…
Online dating apps and sites feed into their audience desire for instant gratification. Because of this, we are all just clicking no or swiping left when the slightest thing comes across as unfavorable. As a result, opportunities are being missed. You could be swiping past someone that could add some joy to your life. I would not have swiped past my boyfriend, however, when going with the idea that this is a number’s game, it’s important to expand your view on potential dates and not jump to conclusions from one photo. Unless the photo is scary. Then you can jump to conclusions.
FIND THE RIGHT ONLINE DATING SITE/APP
I have tried most of the main stream online dating sites/apps, please feel free to check out my thoughts on a handful of these here. What I have found to be so important is trying out the different sites/apps available. There have been some that I have tried that I couldn’t get on board with, simply because I didn’t like the way the matching was set up, the search options that were available, etc. Some have swiping options, others send you a set amount of matches each day, I know of one that gives only one person the option to message first. These are just a few different options; there are so many different ways to find someone to buy you dinner…I mean…date. Try these out – see which you feel most comfortable with and take it from there.
GET UP, GET DRESSED AND GET OUT
Look, one of my biggest issues with dating has been my lack of desire to peel myself off the couch, dust the oreo crumbs off my face, turn off the Lifetime movie and get out of the house. I really had to force myself to give a date a chance but, even before that, give the guys on these potential matches a chance. Part of this was letting go of the old school notion that men have to make the first move. Yes…this notion exists in online dating also. I pushed myself to message individuals that I thought may be a good match, make good conversation or at least just make for a good story. I mean, you have to take the whole dating thing into your own hands and that means taking initiative. Once you’ve taken initiative, get moving. Go on a date. Meet the parents.
Haha, just kidding. Don’t meet the parents yet.
But go on a date. Even if it’s raining. Even if you’re tired. Even if you had a bad day.
Go On The Date.
Because you never know. You can find the next best story to tell your friends.
Or a great person to add to your life.
REFLECT ON YOURSELF
I have mentioned this time and time again and I will continue to do so: look at who you are choosing. And this goes for every relationship you have a choice over. Are you consistently choosing people in your life that are toxic, inconsistent or just plain bad for you? You can change that, yunno. This is also apart of dating – whether online or in person – the people you are typically drawn to may not be the people that are bringing out your best self. Take some time to reflect on that, I know I do daily. But I will say, reflection and carrying out the results of that reflection are two very very very different things.