As a single woman, I am not sure that I am qualified to give advice to people about what their dating profile’s should look like. However, as a single woman, I am on these dating apps/sites quite often and do believe I can speak for most single straight women in regards to what a decent men’s dating profile looks like.
I don’t believe there is a cut and dry profile; the point of a profile is to advertise and promote yourself in a way that makes you attractive to the folks viewing the page. Now, let’s be clear, I do not mean advertise and promote oneself in a way that is dishonest. This is not a post about how to successfully catfish, mostly because it is not 2003 and people are generally not catfishing. This is simply some helpful advice for men on the online dating forums that may help them to receive more responses from women, such as myself AND help these women, like me, be able to stop skipping over men who may be excellent catches but aren’t showing off themselves appropriately.
Let’s get started, shall we?
I guess this is the best place to start. Your username is one of the first things people notice about you on an online dating site and, while you wouldn’t think that it makes a huge impact, it absolutely does. I always struggle with creating usernames, as I am sure many others do as well. It’s a bit uncomfortable and the options most of us think of are pretty corny, but please believe me: Corny is ALWAYS better than CREEPY.
Creepy and/or depressing Not sure what I mean? Let me throw some examples out there; below are some usernames that I will roll my eyes at and not associate myself with:
- Lonely Guy
- Tired of Being Alone
- Anything regarding the phrases “Last resort”, “It’s come down to this”, etc.
One Night Stand Material These are usernames that are way too sexualized.
These would be anything related to or resembling the following:
Dateline-esque These are usernames that display some kind of violent and/or Dateline story material.
Examples would be anything including the following verbiage:
- Anything with massacre in it
- Anything with the word Attack (Unless your name is Mac or Zack, I will NOT be the one to take MacAttack or ZackAttack away from someone)
You get where I am going with this, right? Awesome.
So, we are all in this together. If we are viewing each other’s profiles, it is likely that we are both single and both looking for some type of companionship. In that case, it is probably in the best interest of these profile authors to avoid verbiage regarding how they don’t want to be doing this. Some examples of this are:
“I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but…”
“I can’t believe I am back on here…”
“I never thought I would be on one of these dating profiles…”
These statements, and those of a similar nature, send the message that a person feels as if they are too good to be on a dating site. It also makes it seem as if having an online dating profile is something to be ashamed of. It is an extremely common thing nowadays, and, trying to act holier than thou about having an account just makes people look insecure and, honestly, a little annoying.
Speaking of general attitude, let’s also touch on verbiage within a profile. We all want to put our best foot forward, especially in this type of situation. As I stated earlier, an online dating profile is a way of advertising oneself for a potential partner. That being said, I call shenanigans on some of the hobbies and descriptions that people are using.
I know that there are people who love to “go on spontaneous trips”, “hike on the weekends”, “take random road trips” and “you can generally find them skydiving in the nice weather and snowboarding in the winter”.
If this is someone’s life – kudos. I am sure there are women that share these same interests and hobbies and these two people will find each other and spontaneously road trip to a hiking trail where they will picnic and plan their skydiving and snowboarding adventures. But for most of us…come on now…be real with me…we’re all friends here: you’re not doing any of this crap.
Also, how much vacation time are you allotted at your job that you are able to go on all of these spontaneous trips? I love the idea of and can see once in awhile but if a guy was constantly asking me to just get up and go away every weekend, I’m gonna be like “Dude, we just did that last weekend, can we just watch some netflix this weekend”?
I am always looking to get into better shape, so the hiking sounds great, but, once again, these guys are insinuating this is happening every weekend. My dog won’t even have that. I mean, guys, I work full time. Can I be wined, dined, taken on planned trips and sent flowers? Which, by the way, spontaneous flowers and gifts are fine. I would love to read a profile that lists the following hobbies: “Hiking, Netflix, Sending Spontaneous Flowers and Gifts to a Woman I am exclusively dating, Taking a Woman I am exclusively dating out on dates, Traveling” – all of this works.
I saved the best for last because there are numerous things in this category that we need to discuss. If we are still talking about advertising oneself, which we are, this is the part to really pay attention to. I have broken this down into specific categories:
Bad Selfies: I am not against seeing selfies on someone’s profile. As long as it is not ONLY selfies. But, even if they are all selfies, can they at least be normal selfies? Some of the selfies I see are a selfie with a giant hood on, a blurry selfie, a filtered selfie. Selfies are pretty easy to take and, if you do not think that they are, there’s a good chance that you shouldn’t be taking selfies.
Pictures with Women Who are Clearly Not Your Mom: Look, you are welcome to put pictures of yourself with other people onto your profile, but I am being very honest when I say that posting pictures of you with other women, not gonna do you any favors.
But Gina – the girl in the picture is my sister, cousin, doctor, dog walker, best friend, cashier at Target, flight attendant…
Nope. Don’t care. Unless it is evident that the woman is your mother. Do not post pictures of you with other women. We, as female viewers, just see another woman that is potentially a significant other, specifically on the apps that use your Facebook pictures as a default.
Skylines & Animals Feel free to have a photo of you and your cat or dog on your profile – but do not have a picture of the pet solo. I take that back, go right ahead and have a pic of the animal but not as your main pic. Granted, a guy is automatically more attractive to me if he has a dog, but if I am swiping through good ol’ Tinder and there is just a picture of a dog – I am not going to swipe right.
I love dogs – I do not want to date a dog. I have this weird thing with inter-species dating, I am just not into it.
Also, I love that you went on a sweet trip to Hawaii and caught a beautiful sunrise but, once again, not your main picture and, actually, not any of your pictures. Odds are, you’ve already mentioned you love to travel a minimum of 10 times in your profile, I don’t need proof in your photos. The proof can be when you date me and then book a trip for the two of us.
Group Pics So this is a big one and, probably, one of the most common picture issues on dating profiles. I understand that dating sites and any other advice that we receive regarding dating profiles says to post pictures of you having fun and doing so with your friends. I agree completely; as I stated earlier, you don’t want to post only selfies on your profile, however, make sure that your main picture and/or most of your pictures are not you with a bunch of people. This makes it difficult for a potential match to see which person you are. If I see a main picture as a group of people, I am scrolling right past.
I’m trying to get married, I don’t have time to sit and try to decipher which of the 6 people in this photo is you.
I hope these tips help some of you out there, and as a result, help me; as there will hopefully be a better selection of profiles out there. I appreciate all of the cooperation in advance and look forward to seeing all of these rejuvenated, positive, honest, well photographed profiles in the near future.
Happy Valentine’s Day!