Part I: Dates Against Humanity

Love & Dating

Please trust me when I say that dating will be my demise. It is one of the main sources of stress in my life while also being one of my main sources of comedy.

That being said – welcome to my mini series of posts regarding dating: Chronicles of a Curvy Dater.

In this 3-part mini series, you can enjoy the following with me:

Part 1Dates Against HumanityThe Pitfalls of Dating in Modern Day Society                                                       Why I can’t stand dating and why it is such a struggle, especially in today’s age of technology.

Part 2: Swipe, Like, Match, Connect – Pro’s & Con’s of the Most Popular Apps/Sites                                                For those who are wondering the differences, positives and negatives between the dating sites and apps, don’t lift a finger, I have done all of the work for you…accidentally.

Part 3FaceTime – Mistakes Gentleman are Making on their Dating Profiles                                                          Some tips as to what guys may be doing to lessen their chances of getting matches and a response to messages.

I am not someone who enjoys dating. I believe that I am a “relationship person” at my core. I enjoy monogamy; I am a creature of habit and even in my longest, most tumultuous romantic relationships, I have never had an urge to cheat or be unfaithful in any way. Now, that doesn’t mean that I will never experience these feelings, however, if you take a look at my closest friendships – once I have built a meaningful relationship to the point where I feel emotionally tied to you, it’s going to take hell and high water to get rid of me. And even then, I can deal with the heat and am an excellent swimmer.

This is why I dislike dating. At the risk of sounding pompous, I am a very genuine person. I don’t lie, I generally say what is on my mind in regards to my feelings and I have an unfortunate tendency to believe that people behave in the same way.

Spoiler Alert – most people don’t.

Most people say what they believe you want to hear and, especially in an age of ever advancing technology, people are able to hide their emotions (or lack thereof) more easily and disappear from situations effortlessly. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you don’t want to date a person or don’t have an interest in interacting with someone, more power to you, but, can a person get some consistency and authentic behavior here in the dating world?

The answer is probably no.

Let’s step away from the actual dates for a moment, because I could talk about those…at length, for hours…let’s talk about the getting to the date part. For most of us who are out of school, don’t frequent the night life and have hundreds of friends on Facebook who clearly do not care if I die alone, and therefore, have not suggested a life partner for me (no shade guys, but a little shade), online dating is what it comes down to.

I used to be terrified of online dating. I watched a lot of Lifetime Movies as a kid (oh and in my life now), America’s Most Wanted was on Saturday nights when I was younger and 20/20 aired after TGIF. I mean, what choice did I have then to be exposed to horrific online dating stories? Also, I just assumed that by the time I was in my early 20’s, someone would have realized my perfection and wifed me up. I was wrong. So, online dating became the best option for me post college.

It took me awhile to get over the fact that the chances of murder were not as high as John Walsh convinced me they were. but eventually, I became an active part of pretty much every online dating community and, over the years, I have started to date, not frequently, but enough. Somehow, someway, I still can’t seem to get this whole dating thing to a point where I am on a pathway to marriage. I consider myself a pretty self aware person, so I will not tell you that it’s not me and it’s everyone else – because that’s not completely accurate.

I know what my issues are:

  • I believe people are as genuine as I am so I take them at their word.
  • I am looking for very specific qualities in a person and, as a result, may be limiting myself.
  • I am extremely independent – and sometimes I think that makes men I date feel as if they don’t have a role in my life.
  • And last, but probably one of the most important, I am incredibly ridiculous in regards to profiles of people; let me explain:
    • Picture of someone on a boat – “I don’t want to go on a boat”
    • Hobbies include bonfires – “Am I going to have to go to bonfires?”
    • Picture of someone next to a motorcycle – “I’m not riding that with him”
    • Picture of someone with large dog – “Addy’s not going to get along with that dog”

So, it is clear that I am subconsciously, and a little consciously, destroying my chances of finding a worthy companion and having a rewarding relationship experience. So you see – the amount of self awareness is truly remarkable.

But, like, it’s not just me.

When I finally hit it off with a person, meet them, and hit it off even more so, I am unsure of what happens. I’ve been in long term relationships and a few of my experiences begin like any long term relationship I have been in:

  • Smitten with one another.
  • Texting everyday.
  • Obviously unable to wait to see one another.

All the usual stuff. And then like a few weeks or month into this, all of a sudden, the guy is nowhere to be found. As a self aware individual, this is very difficult for me to admit. It’s embarrassing – these guys just drop off the face of the earth and I have no reasoning behind it.

It’s possible that there is something I am doing wrong, but, if I’m being honest, I think it may be a combination of the type of guys I’m choosing to date and technology making it so easy for people not to be upfront. Before texting became a thing, I feel as if it was more likely for people to just say “Hey, I’m not into this anymore”. Now, it is so easy to just stop texting a person or ignore texts, leaving the other individual wondering what the hell happened.

“Ghosting”, as the young people call it is pretty standard nowadays. To the point where when I notice a guy not texting me as much as he was before, I’m just like “Ok, is this over now?” That usually doesn’t work well, but whatever, I don’t like not being treated like an adult.

Is there a solution to all of this? I sure hope so, but I currently don’t have one, so I may as well entertain myself and others with what I have and am continuing to learn in the dating world.

Check out Part 2 where I tell you about all of the dating sites and apps I have had the pleasure of using. I discuss the best aspects of each and the parts that are annoying, horrifying and/or useless. For those single folks out there, you don’t need commercials or online advertisements to tell you which site to find love on when you have me. A single person…

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24 Comments

  • Reply
    Star
    February 6, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    I don’t know why but I LOLED

    “And last, but probably one of the most important, I am incredibly ridiculous in regards to profiles of people; let me explain:
    Picture of someone on a boat – “I don’t want to go on a boat””

    • Reply
      Gina
      February 9, 2017 at 6:25 am

      haha it’s true!

  • Reply
    Melissa
    October 26, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    This is so funny and so real! Love the article, can’t wait to see Part 2.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:42 pm

      Thanks for reading Melissa!

  • Reply
    Melissa
    October 26, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    I just love your writing voice! Such humor and poignancy all in one. I too cannot wait for part 2.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words!!

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    October 27, 2017 at 6:59 am

    Great job! Thanks for sharing your story!

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Heidi Erickson
    October 27, 2017 at 8:07 am

    Loved this! Made a great start to my day. 🙂

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:44 pm

      Aw thanks Heidi! Thanks so much for reading!

  • Reply
    Jamie Nicholls
    October 27, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Interesting read, and I love how you hold your audience’s attention with your personality in your writing voice.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:45 pm

      Thanks so much for the kind words Jamie! and for reading! 🙂

  • Reply
    Stacey Billingsley
    October 27, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    Dating is not easy. I really discovered how difficult it was after my divorce. I’m happily married now, but it was a long road with a lot of potholes to get there. Oh, and I hated online dating, but as you say, how are you supposed to meet someone when you’re an adult? Stalk them at Walmart? I may or may not have met my husband at Walmart.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 11, 2017 at 11:46 pm

      Congrats on the marriage! I would imagine that dating after a divorce probably comes along with a whole bunch of challenges of its own – so good for you staying strong! I love the Walmart idea, may be something to try! 🙂

  • Reply
    Kiersten
    October 27, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    I loved reading your perspective on this! It is really not easy, and I’m so glad to not be in the dating world. And it always seems that you find the right person when you least expect it!

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 12, 2017 at 12:07 am

      Thank you for the kind words! I sure hope so haha!

  • Reply
    Mollie
    October 27, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    I love your perspective and your honesty! This entire part made me laugh out loud because these would be the questions I would also ask:

    And last, but probably one of the most important, I am incredibly ridiculous in regards to profiles of people; let me explain:
    Picture of someone on a boat – “I don’t want to go on a boat”
    Hobbies include bonfires – “Am I going to have to go to bonfires?”
    Picture of someone next to a motorcycle – “I’m not riding that with him”
    Picture of someone with large dog – “Addy’s not going to get along with that dog”

    I’m also excited for part 2!

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 12, 2017 at 12:03 am

      Haha thank you for the kind words Mollie! Nice to know I am not alone! 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Grace
    October 27, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    I echo Kiersten’s comment above. It really does happen when you least expect it. I used to think that was such a cliche thing to say to people but.. I suppose it’s become a cliche because there’s some ounce of truth to it.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 12, 2017 at 12:02 am

      Thank you Grace – while I do find it cliche, I also agree that it probably is said often for a good reason! Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Amber
    October 27, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    Good luck and I truly hope you find someone who makes you happy. Don’t give up. You’ll know when you’ve found “the one”. 🙂

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 12, 2017 at 12:01 am

      Thank you so much for the kind words Amber – your lips to God’s ears! lol

  • Reply
    Shanna S Mathews Mendez
    October 30, 2017 at 1:32 am

    Ha! I haven’t dated in one hundred years! But I totally get it. I never like dating either.

    • Reply
      Gina
      November 12, 2017 at 12:01 am

      Lucky! Good to know I am not alone in my dislike; so many people talk about how they love dating – I think they are crazy! 🙂

    Let The Curvy Community Know What You Think!