Please trust me when I say that dating will be my demise. It is one of the main sources of stress in my life while also being one of my main sources of comedy.
That being said – welcome to my mini series of posts regarding dating: Chronicles of a Curvy Dater.
In this 3-part mini series, you can enjoy the following with me:
Part 1: Dates Against Humanity – The Pitfalls of Dating in Modern Day Society Why I can’t stand dating and why it is such a struggle, especially in today’s age of technology.
Part 2: Swipe, Like, Match, Connect – Pro’s & Con’s of the Most Popular Apps/Sites For those who are wondering the differences, positives and negatives between the dating sites and apps, don’t lift a finger, I have done all of the work for you…accidentally.
Part 3: FaceTime – Mistakes Gentleman are Making on their Dating Profiles Some tips as to what guys may be doing to lessen their chances of getting matches and a response to messages.
I am not someone who enjoys dating. I believe that I am a “relationship person” at my core. I enjoy monogamy; I am a creature of habit and even in my longest, most tumultuous romantic relationships, I have never had an urge to cheat or be unfaithful in any way. Now, that doesn’t mean that I will never experience these feelings, however, if you take a look at my closest friendships – once I have built a meaningful relationship to the point where I feel emotionally tied to you, it’s going to take hell and high water to get rid of me. And even then, I can deal with the heat and am an excellent swimmer.
This is why I dislike dating. At the risk of sounding pompous, I am a very genuine person. I don’t lie, I generally say what is on my mind in regards to my feelings and I have an unfortunate tendency to believe that people behave in the same way.
Spoiler Alert – most people don’t.
Most people say what they believe you want to hear and, especially in an age of ever advancing technology, people are able to hide their emotions (or lack thereof) more easily and disappear from situations effortlessly. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you don’t want to date a person or don’t have an interest in interacting with someone, more power to you, but, can a person get some consistency and authentic behavior here in the dating world?
The answer is probably no.
Let’s step away from the actual dates for a moment, because I could talk about those…at length, for hours…let’s talk about the getting to the date part. For most of us who are out of school, don’t frequent the night life and have hundreds of friends on Facebook who clearly do not care if I die alone, and therefore, have not suggested a life partner for me (no shade guys, but a little shade), online dating is what it comes down to.
I used to be terrified of online dating. I watched a lot of Lifetime Movies as a kid (oh and in my life now), America’s Most Wanted was on Saturday nights when I was younger and 20/20 aired after TGIF. I mean, what choice did I have then to be exposed to horrific online dating stories? Also, I just assumed that by the time I was in my early 20’s, someone would have realized my perfection and wifed me up. I was wrong. So, online dating became the best option for me post college.
It took me awhile to get over the fact that the chances of murder were not as high as John Walsh convinced me they were. but eventually, I became an active part of pretty much every online dating community and, over the years, I have started to date, not frequently, but enough. Somehow, someway, I still can’t seem to get this whole dating thing to a point where I am on a pathway to marriage. I consider myself a pretty self aware person, so I will not tell you that it’s not me and it’s everyone else – because that’s not completely accurate.
I know what my issues are:
- I believe people are as genuine as I am so I take them at their word.
- I am looking for very specific qualities in a person and, as a result, may be limiting myself.
- I am extremely independent – and sometimes I think that makes men I date feel as if they don’t have a role in my life.
- And last, but probably one of the most important, I am incredibly ridiculous in regards to profiles of people; let me explain:
- Picture of someone on a boat – “I don’t want to go on a boat”
- Hobbies include bonfires – “Am I going to have to go to bonfires?”
- Picture of someone next to a motorcycle – “I’m not riding that with him”
- Picture of someone with large dog – “Addy’s not going to get along with that dog”
So, it is clear that I am subconsciously, and a little consciously, destroying my chances of finding a worthy companion and having a rewarding relationship experience. So you see – the amount of self awareness is truly remarkable.
But, like, it’s not just me.
When I finally hit it off with a person, meet them, and hit it off even more so, I am unsure of what happens. I’ve been in long term relationships and a few of my experiences begin like any long term relationship I have been in:
- Smitten with one another.
- Texting everyday.
- Obviously unable to wait to see one another.
All the usual stuff. And then like a few weeks or month into this, all of a sudden, the guy is nowhere to be found. As a self aware individual, this is very difficult for me to admit. It’s embarrassing – these guys just drop off the face of the earth and I have no reasoning behind it.
It’s possible that there is something I am doing wrong, but, if I’m being honest, I think it may be a combination of the type of guys I’m choosing to date and technology making it so easy for people not to be upfront. Before texting became a thing, I feel as if it was more likely for people to just say “Hey, I’m not into this anymore”. Now, it is so easy to just stop texting a person or ignore texts, leaving the other individual wondering what the hell happened.
“Ghosting”, as the young people call it is pretty standard nowadays. To the point where when I notice a guy not texting me as much as he was before, I’m just like “Ok, is this over now?” That usually doesn’t work well, but whatever, I don’t like not being treated like an adult.
Is there a solution to all of this? I sure hope so, but I currently don’t have one, so I may as well entertain myself and others with what I have and am continuing to learn in the dating world.
Check out Part 2 where I tell you about all of the dating sites and apps I have had the pleasure of using. I discuss the best aspects of each and the parts that are annoying, horrifying and/or useless. For those single folks out there, you don’t need commercials or online advertisements to tell you which site to find love on when you have me. A single person…